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What am I here for? Who thinks selfishly of the world that exists above, who longs for life and holi

You asked me what happened to me and I say a lot happens to me. Lots of strong storms blowing in different directions in my mind, spirit, soul, interfering with me learning properly and functioning properly.

We've talked about it before and thought it would pass after the holidays, but no!

I'm sad that I'm here in the studio, in this company I'm not good here. Actually this is not the successful setting, good for me, but the pain I have in my heart interferes with my joy.

The pain over the form of our society, the national religious society, is jarring to my heart and is followed by jarring sounds that obscure its existing light.

Countless times I have asked myself is my local here? If our society is trying to develop and next to it, to keep the commandments of God. After all, she fails and the openness to the wider world distracts her from her role of being a servant of God and that is how I do not want to be. That way my children will not be!

If we have reached such a serious state of modesty, if we have reached a state where in a studio that walks in the ways of God, we see immodest films, I do not want to be a partner in that.

My heart cries out! runs away! Crying! Wants the closeness of Gd. Not much material, but much spirit.

So where does decisiveness in the righteousness of our path come from? Keep your eyes open, look, it hurts! This is the private pain - my general, one pain of many kinds.

Everything seems so small to me here. Everything is vanity. what are we? When I think selfishly of the world that exists above, bustling with life and holiness, bustling with spirituality and purity that wink at me so much.

What am I here for? What are we worth? From dust we came and from dust we will return.

I feel alone. I have no contact with people who were close to my heart. Loneliness hurts more than anything else. Do you now understand what's happening to me?

Tears flood my eyes every time I think about it. And I'm not functioning. I'm not here.

My heartbeat is beating inside me,

The darkness is dazzling, the light is hidden,

My soul cries out in this silence,

Simulated silence,

Vague thoughts

Between heaven and earth

Transcends thoughts

But the material is shattering

The shattered sun was used

Hits me like waves

The stormy sea



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