A letter written by Dina (Debbie) to her brother-in-law who was on a mission in South Africa.
Ari and Esther and the children Hello,
This time I will write straight and skip all the apologies ...
Being a grandmother is a wonderful thing !! With all the fantasies and expectations (and anxieties) before me, nothing compares to reality - I just opened pipes of love (?), Longing (?), Warmth (?), Nostalgia (?) - I do not know what! - that I did not dream that could exist in me. And in a big way !!!
I'll describe some "pictures" to you. We already knew the day before Shabbat Sheva Teld ... Every Sunday night I tried to dub Eli to share together what was about to "pass" on us and the new soul that was about to be born into our family - and that would change the status of us all. He, of course, fell asleep immediately.
In the morning we got up early and arrived at the hospital at about 7:00, where we found Batsheva hospitalized and excited ... Eli greeted her with a blessing of priests really and also with a sense of humor (imagine) ....
And I ... how do you imagine? Hysterical? Butterflies? crying? Loss of temper? Internal fermentation? Restlessness? ... We sat, I Vardina (anvil), holding hands and reciting Psalms. Judah also prayed.
It is difficult for me to describe in words how I felt - "calm" is a small word compared to the feeling of inner peace, security, the feeling of infinite grace that God flies us with most of his grace - I felt connected with size and power and so good beyond smallness and worries. I really felt "mother" knows, trusts and expects ...
When a song of thanksgiving was born, everyone ran towards the crib that contained the "gift." Admired, croaked "She looks like Judah in the mouth!", "The eyes - really seven years old", "Welcome tiny !!", "How sweet", "How alert, how beautiful !!" etc. etc., touched, kissed, Laugh, get excited.
And I - (Grandma) - stood aside, I could not get close. I felt like the same feeling one feels when blowing a shofar, from a feeling of paralyzing but transmitting tremendous power, from an inward aspiration of such greatness and magnitude, from indulgence towards the surge of grace and light.
I have no words, but I was not paralyzed, I saw everything. "Grandma" - probably means not to be in the center of the storm (this is the mother, it is said), but to stand aside, but it does not "stand aside" in a negative connotation, God forbid, but, stand aside and see the whole picture from there.
I saw, for example, the perfect, glamorous, beautiful, sweet and charming little one, looking in her eyes for her father and domesticating on him and looking at him with all her being. Amazing! And she's all 5 minutes old.
And another picture from that day! As befits a family like Sadan - with a special quality and pace of life of its own - the birth of their first granddaughter, occurred on the wedding day of their second son, Didi, and Eli Verdina, who herself after the birth of their 12th child, left early that morning, leaving all their children alone, including Fame lasted two months, and hurried to the hospital to be present at the birth of a song of thanksgiving, and immediately from there they went up north, to Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu - where Didi's wedding campaign. Judah also went to the wedding.
So it turned out that I stayed at Batsheva's bed all that day and all the night after ....
Batsheva was asleep ... and suddenly, at about 11:00 at night, she opened a pair of big eyes, and out of her pale / white face, she whispered to me, "I want my daughter." And this grandmother quickly ran to the nursery with record speed and announced to anyone who wanted to hear (and to those who did not): "My daughter wants her daughter!" And I solemnly brought her the song.
The weak, seven-year-old could not get up and lay straight in bed and I put on her a song that they could look at each other. Then Batsheva said she wanted to breastfeed her.
Esther, you know how close this whole subject is to me and buried deep deep inside, so much so that I "forgot" about breastfeeding. I was so busy digesting the very act of pregnancy, childbirth, and being my daughter to mom (and me to grandma). And the role of a mother (i.e., I am her mother), is to guide her daughter, and suddenly I did not know how to guide ?! What to do?! How do you hold ?! what?!
Batsheva was embarrassed and inexperienced. I was embarrassed and stuttering, but whoever knew exactly what to do, took command and guided us all - was a song of thanksgiving.
And this is the picture: I moved my chair back and watched Batsheva breastfeeding and breastfeeding her daughter. At that moment I felt like an arrow leveling all the generations and connecting (without any consideration of a small concept like "time") me directly with our mother Sarah, through Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. My grandmother, my mother, me, seven years old, song. This is something amazing that will not be described in words at all (beyond time, beyond words).
After her stay in the hospital, the young Sadan family came to us for two weeks and we pampered Batsheva & Co. I gave her everything my mother gave me. I taught her how to take a bath for a baby, when to get excited and when not to, and so on.
Every night Shir sleeps in my room and when she gets up to eat at night, I change her, calm her down and bring her to Batsheva with a glass of chocolate.
Two weeks later, when they drove home, I cried ...
Do not worry! I'm not confused! I know very well that I'm not the mother- my anguish has done its thing and I'm fine. Just trying to describe to you the happiness and joy that floods us, and even now I try to come to Batsheva every week to keep a song as Shabbat Sheva learns. A song grows and develops, and charming, and cute, and stunning, and sweet, and ingenious, and vital, and smiling ...
I'm in a hurry because Eli is speeding me up, because there is someone traveling to South Africa today.
There is a lot more to write: our family
Zvi - he is fine and advanced in the army, now he is in the position of SMB and very satisfied.
Nehama - devises plans to fix the world.
Shulamit - Calm and peaceful, dances folk dances, plays, studies the Bible and smiles.
Our campus - too complex to write.
Work - Next week certificates, so imagine. - I'm a 12th grader.
Country - I have no power.
World - (?)
= All this another time ...
I have been thinking about you all along and very much looking forward to hearing about your exploits and successes
Miss-
with love-
Grandma (Debbie)
