I'm so confused! I wish I was big now in 10 years and I could see what came out of me

Reflections of 15-and-a-half-year-old Debbie upon graduating from the Hebrew Academy and before making a decision on whether to continue Jewish studies in a (mixed) high school yeshiva, or to continue in a regular (non-Jewish) high school.

July 31, 1968

Mr. Ginsberg has just left our house. He came to discuss with my father and tell him about the high school yeshiva. Mr. Ginsberg barely added any opinions of his own, he mostly only said facts and a few good points, but he brought my family to a negative view of the whole matter and they told me to decide on my own and stand by my decision.

I do not know what to do!! It's such a big decision that could have such a big impact on my future life and how I will be. Where will I find peace? Both lead me to different paths, in whatever I choose, there will be a big difference as to who I will be in the future.

Oh !!! I'm so confused! I wish I was big now in 10 years and I could see what came out of me if I went to high school and what came out of me if I went to regular high school, it would help me easily decide which way would be best.

I wish you would show me what to choose !! And if you've already shown me, I admit I did not notice.

High school - Hebrew, better education, an exciting pioneering approach, a really close friendly environment, being a part - belonging really and more, etc., etc., etc.

General High School - On my own, a test to really see me. I do not know where I will be socially - meetings in clubs, shows, activities, sessions and more and more, small fun moments, belonging to society, the knowledge that I belong to what everyone belongs to. Whether I like it or not - this is where I belong. I will not feel more different, I will be a part of life around me, family and friends.

There are so many things to expand on each of the things, I just can not .. there is no time .. each also has its disadvantages which in some ways are advantages of others.

Maybe it's not such a big decision, after all I am me, no matter what I do, I will always be me. I might change a little, but at the base I will still be me, so it does not matter what I choose - if I really want Hebrew, I can get it. Conversely, if I attend high school, I can still be socially connected to my natural environment. Right?

Gd, I wish someone would answer! As for the unimportant decisions, you know what I mean, right? Oh !!! I do not know what to decide !!