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We need your consent and blessing to get married

Debbie's letter to her parents in America after a difficult phone call

Dear Mom and Dad,

I decided to write to you right away. That I do what I want, whenever I want, without any other consideration - which is, I suppose, the closest definition to "selfish."

But wait, if you were thinking for another minute, just think: I am your daughter - you are my parents, my connection with you is stronger than all the words I can find, but I do know that it is something very positive and very very strong, and from it I draw most of my strength , From its source. Out of great love and respect (no, I do not find the words deep enough) that are my foundation for all these years. Where does the word "selfishness" have a place? How can it be?

I'm trying to say, I want to make you very, very happy, and I will never want to hurt you. And as for now, I tried to explain how happy I am and how I want you to be a part of my happiness here, to participate, because really it is not complete without you also being happy. We do not do what we do to hurt you, we do what is right and good and natural for all of us, even for you.

I lost my words, I grope and constantly think about how all this is misinterpreted, and I'm so sorry you were hurt and you're upset. However, I think the reason is solely one - communication distance. It's so hard to write and speak and say things that are so obvious to everyone here (in Israel), and because of all the complications that come with being far away, it has become difficult to focus and clearly explain the important things. But most of all, I want you to know that I'm not trying to hurt you or ignore you or anything like that - I love you and want you to share it with me too, as we have all shared in the past, and it kills me that these words - "selfishness" etc. can enter our minds.

It is important that you understand, because otherwise every detail may be misinterpreted, becoming the culmination of discomfort. I want to make it clear, and everything else you may have heard, is based solely on rumors, but the day after Eli and I decided we wanted to get married - this summer, we talked about it with the Horwitz and wrote to you. You are of course the first to know, we do not want to hide anything - we want you to share the happiness with us and participate - as you said mom, that you plan the wedding, standardize, choose, and everything. I need you - both to be with me and to hear your opinions and suggestions ...

Financially - our situation is very good. Given that we are not rich - it will not be easy, but it is certainly not impossible. The most tedious part is all the bureaucracy that has to go through here, but even that is possible.

I'm in the process of changing my visa to a temporary resident so I can get rights. I have no problem with the military. I also need to get a document that says I am Jewish and single - in Israel all marriages are subject to religious law, so they are very careful in all the details. This means that Shisul and someone else (2 witnesses) must testify that I am Jewish and single. Without this document, we would not be able to apply to register for marriage.

The most important thing - or rather urgent at the moment is an apartment - we look daily in the newspapers because after Pesach the prices go up. I'm pretty sure we can find something - small, but nice and comfortable and in a good neighborhood - it's very important here - for about £ 75,000 - £ 80,000. So during the Passover holiday we will increase our efforts to do so. Once we have an apartment, we will exercise our rights to furniture, appliances, etc. So you see, our situation is not impossible at all, in fact it is better than any young Israeli couple.

When it comes to the wedding date, we can not be sure at all, but so far considering all the aspects and aspects - school, vacation, the three weeks of the Omer count, etc., we thought it was around mid-July - but the exact date is not certain at all.

Oh, I'm sorry this letter is so incoherent - it's very late at night and I can not sleep. Please, please try to read all my lack of expression and probing and try to understand how much I want you here, and want you to be happy too.

There is more to say, but it's enough for one letter, and we look forward to hearing your reply and response. But let's make a deal. OK? - Without harsh words. It's hard enough without it, and it's too sensitive. Mom, have you decided if you're coming or not? ...

What are your plans for Passover? Here we are very busy cleaning for Passover. Mrs. Cooperman is very meticulous about these things - we do not go out for anything. Isol is fine - as always and I'm going to see him later this week.

Please reply soon - we are happy to hear. Stay healthy.

with love,


A letter from Eli to Debbie's parents

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Wolf,

I was sorry to hear how upset you were yesterday, but I'm sure in the meantime you have managed to think things through more clearly and understand that we have no selfish intentions at all, and on the contrary, we are very eager for you to be with us.

Debbie, in particular, very much needs you to be here, to participate in all the preparations, wedding dress sewing, shopping, however and all 1,001 practical arrangements that we can hardly do without you. And more than that we need your consent and blessing to get married. This is without a doubt one of the happiest events in a person's life, and our happiness can never be complete without knowing that you are approving our marriage.

From the conversation I realized that the financial aspect of our programs is very busy for you .... In terms of income, I get £ 200 a month from the yeshiva and I will give private lessons to young students whose income will not be less than £ 300 a month.

Debbie, hopefully, will have a part-time job that will help us purchase furniture, appliances and other needs. I have no illusions that this will be an easy life. We will both work hard, especially in the beginning, but thousands of couples here live in less comfortable conditions and we both have enough determination and self-confidence to do it. There will be enough time to straighten things out.

Happy Passover



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