The young family traveled in the spring of 1979, for about a month, to visit Debbie's parents in America with their 2 children (Batsheva, 5, and Zvi, two and a half years old). Eli, who was also visiting, returned to Israel earlier, to study and teach Torah. The longings caused them, especially Eli, to write frequent letters to each other. From the letters one can learn a lot about their immense love for each other, their mental and spiritual mindset, their family and friends and the period in the country.
Slideshow of photos from the trip to America - can be flipped to the sides
Tuesday, the eve of Independence Day, 4 Iyar 5769
How strange to write to you about ... and in general! That is, write a letter that is not followed by a meeting or a phone call.
It's almost 11:00 and you're somewhere between here (America) and Paris. I miss you already - it's a really weird feeling to walk around the house alone, as always, to bathe as always, to put on my pajamas as always, to wish "good night" to everyone as always - and suddenly catch myself in the mirror with a head covering, or whatever Internal or external I am married and my whole world is different!
A really stupid letter, but I feel emotionally drained, and just full of love for you, and best wishes for a good, helpful and fast ride! You will arrive in our country on her big day!
After getting on the bus to the plane, I was really empty and crying a little, but I knew it would annoy the parents, and really with all my might I stopped. We stood until the takeoff - did you see us ?? Say yes - the kids will be so happy! Zvi really went crazy from there, at a glance it was possible to review a plane, buses, a car and a tractor - really the next world! I was sure you heard his screams as far as the plane, if not above that.
In the car, on the way back, Batsheva suddenly cried a little and said to my mother "Let's buy my father a present for the trip - we will buy him a book", but he holds a bag full of books - and why he has a new book He's already read them, and now he's just reading them over and over again. We'll buy him a new one and he'll have something to read! 'Funny.
Stanley was still home when we got back, but I was feeling upset (hey !!! I did not know it was from "Mood"!) So we did not talk so much. I wanted to go to bed, write to you and sleep (we went to bed yesterday after 4:00) and when I get up, you will almost be there.
My dear Eli, my thoughts and heart are with you, though I know it's good that I'm here, and there's something to do.
Love me hard and we will be together despite the distance. Write me lots and kisses
Do not forget to call Yossel (Joseph Schneider, Dina's uncle whose family perished in the Holocaust and remained childless in Israel) and Tzipi and ask what she wants. How is the apartment after the month? Did the parents find another place? Etc. etc. etc..
Kisses to me,
Tuesday, the eve of Independence Day, 4 Iyar 5769
To my beloved Dina,
We are now flying over New York, starting the flight over the sea. My mind is not so settled now, but anyway, you want to hear from me and want to hug you and be with you - and this is the substitute - a lousy substitute though, but exclusive.
We have been through a lot in recent weeks - good things and hard things - moments of misunderstanding and impatience and moments of mutual encouragement and reinforcement, but there is one line that unites all phenomena and events - flowing in one chain. One rhyming thread, which is sometimes discovered and sometimes covered. And this is me and you, you and me. That hidden launch that blatantly eludes lies in seconds and separation, and when it is manifested, there is nothing more wonderful than it.
We are pleasant together and the pleasantness spreads and expands to those around us - from the abundance of goodness and blessing, and on the other hand, when the property of inner unity, when it is delayed from expressing itself for some reason, then tensions and complications arise - nervousness and failure in relation to others, but the truth is infinitely stronger One should strive and struggle, without any fear and laxity, for it to be revealed. And the main thing is not to be afraid - to banish with hot swords every shadow of fear and its venomous sister - skepticism.
Armed with a deep, firm and peaceful faith, one must approach the battlefield of life. One should know that life is a war. But one should also rejoice in this knowledge. Do not be lazy to fight - by intoxicating drugs (lies) such as the media, television, cheap literature, easy and cheap ideals - (although all of these also have a role, and the wise man knows how to use them to his advantage, as Maimonides says about art and music).
Most of the world prefers this way - the American ideal - This is O.K., all right. Hello hello ... - and there is no peace. And many of them find a momentary rest and thus spend days and years, but there are those who feel the storm within them, the running around and quarreling, but are afraid of it. And a frightened root lies in doubt, which casts venom in their hearts - the doubt in the good victory, the doubt in the essence of the war and in the purpose of the war.
And between those that war and life are were but (and really so is the situation in every person and the differences are only to what extent this feeling dominates) there are two extremes. There are pessimists who see the despair of endless war and take different approaches to it (Buddhism, Schopenhauer, etc.), and there are false optimists who invent a Messiah who will settle all matters (Christians).
And the light of God does not reside in any of these ways, but in the true way of Israeli life - in faith, steps in faith, and all Israel believe believers. The root of faith is rooted in the whole heart of Israel, but to live the faith in every limb and six tendons - which is all life without a shot at all - is the property of individuals of virtue.
And to this we are destined, according to our rank and condition. And first of all to believe in complete faith in ourselves - in the absolute and strong divine connection, between us - in the providence and divine goodness in the creation of this eternal life, and to expel every shadow of doubt and laxity in relation to this truth. And from this starting point to expand in our faith, in our lives, to always encompass more extensive circles.
And out of that, and only out of that, can all the difficulty around us and our son be dealt with. Only from this - out of deep faith and true confidence and living in the goodness of God - can a little light be shed on the complications of your father and mother, can your brother love unconditional love, and at the same time not complete, because he is the one with the lie and yoke he makes at this station of his life.
Only out of this can you raise Batsheva and Zvi with real encouragement - educate them in adulthood and as seriously as possible, and only out of that can you approach your health and pregnancy problems, only out of joy of faith, peace of faith can you remove and destroy the demons of fear and doubt. In faith we will overcome all weakness and all laziness and we will go out to battle heroes.
I read what I wrote. Not so neat, but that's how it is, I'm a little in the air, as they say, and the thoughts come out without special continuity.
Now one and a half, and it's already morning. I prayed Maariv + Hillel somehow and then there was a movie and that's it - now morning. The film was better the first time, when you sat by.
All sorts of thoughts are hovering in my mind, serious and banal, but they are all positive. I thought about how everyone is looking for themselves (a very banal formulation, but it really is that way), trying to live their self, etc., and really the completion of the self is in what is outside the self. And it seems to me that it is possible to get entangled in it, for example, a person surrenders his soul to some public interest, until "he has no time for himself" - it is a mistake, on the contrary, he develops his true self.
Or a person gets entangled in fears, or feelings of inferiority, - a kind of psychological maze that is difficult to break free and he fights and fights to straighten himself, and in fact he misses - because he really should not pay attention to himself at all, but only understand that it is an incomplete signal, In his relationship to those around him and influenced by him.
This is how I thought, not about myself, but general thoughts. The wholeness of the self is achieved by further training in relation to you.
I'm very tired. I did not get to sleep for more than 10 minutes, so I do not distinguish between deep and banal thoughts. Now, for example, I think how nice it was right now to hug you and feel you at home or in some grove (in Israel) is this a deep or banal thought?
Thursday, 6 Iyar 5769
Dear Dina, Hello and congratulations,
I sent you a long letter I wrote on the plane, and I also sent something to your parents, but now everything is completely different. What can I tell you !? I have no words to describe how I felt when I got off the plane in Lod. Not in the recommendation I say, but really - there are no words. Abroad there were words to describe and distinguish, it was possible to point to one point or another that exile is distinct from the land - materialism, confusion, lack of idealism, size, etc.
And all the way I thought that even when I arrive in Israel, I will see how it is different from abroad. I was getting ready to look at the whole familiar area from the airport to the house, and pay attention to every detail, but I went down the airplane stairs and poof OFFF, as if inside my head and shoulders and my whole body were a million tense springs that were suddenly released at once.
I did not think anything, I was just drunk, as if all this time I was in a dream - and when you are in the dream you do not know that you are dreaming, only when you wake up then you remember the dream. It was your father's day and gray, heavy heat (about 30 degrees) and I just relished - just for that pleasure it was worth the whole trip.
I was sorry you were not with me, and until now I have not got used to you not being with me. I keep thinking you're in the other room waiting for you to leave, and then all of a sudden I remember. Well. who does not. Soon, in two and a half weeks, or less than when you read this letter, you will already be here. how fun.
I managed to be with Oded, R. Zvi, Mordechai Sturman and at the yeshiva and talk to Robin and Michael and send the letters to Arlene. Only Yosl I have not yet been able to get.
Bad and good news: My friend's mother passed away, she was terminally ill for a long time and it was no surprise. I saw my fellowship and it was already confirmed and completely back to normal. I think he's calmer now than it has been all the months she's been in the hospital. We will probably continue to study together at least for summer time.
Good news: Eliakim and Esther had a son, BH, a son, his name is Joshua Abraham. Everything is fine, I saw Elyakim and he is of course happy. The Robin family gave birth to a daughter on Sunday, she does not have a name yet. Everything is fine with them too.
With the Sturman family, everything is going well. Discover antibodies. They are probably moving to Beit El. I saw Meyer and Hebi (my uncles) live with my parents, and their son Hillel was here today too. He finished seventh in the Bible Quiz.
On Independence Day, there was a large march of Gush Emunim (60,000) in Samaria. The entire Lebanese family (except Rami) marched - including Shaike (3 years old) - 11 kilometers. Most of the Wolanski family, too.
Tomorrow I hope to teach in the room (Talmud Torah Morasha), already. The order of study in the Gemara will be as it was. With Oded I will probably not continue to study.
I really, really miss you and the kids, especially when I show the pictures to people or a number - it's so weird you are not next to me. I hope everything is going well there, and that you are bad and enduring.
I had no customs issues. I did as you said, I put the American passport protruding from the shirt - and he started checking the bag and then the travel bag. When he saw children's clothes, he began to investigate suspiciously, but when he realized from the story that I lived in Israel, he said: 'Oh, are you from Israel? Happy holiday. Go in peace".
Thank you very much for the wise suggestion. I have not yet gotten used to coffee here, but other than that everything is fine. The officials are rude, the prices go up every day. How good it is to be home.
Take advantage of the time you have left to make your parents happy, really. Do not go down to melancholy, which surely your father is already in, you will not be able to help anyone like that.
Give warm kisses to the children. Adina misses Batsheva.
Lots of kisses from me (you).
Thursday, light of 7 Iyar, 1969
As usual it's late and I'm not turning to go to bed. Since you left I have not been able to convince myself to close my eyes and sleep - I read or flip until I fall asleep - and yesterday it was close to 2:00 and today it is already 12:15 and I am tired !! But, as much as it sounds Thire, it's true, my thoughts are with you and I am full of strong and painful longings. Or to me! Oops, I'm writing this because it's so late. It is a night letter and not a day letter. to me!!
But deep down I know it will be okay - time will pass and it's good that it's that way and that I'm alone. And since you traveled things happened (so write ?!), since I'm used to telling you orally, I'll try to write a little about my diary.
Yesterday, Wednesday - the day after you left - Independence Day. All morning I thought about how you are now landing, going to Jerusalem, etc., etc., everyone sees, celebrates the holiday to some extent and feels the joy of returning to Israel and the joy of the day. And me !?
I spent the day with Lynne, we arranged to go to White tiht because she wanted to buy a dress, and it turned out that we spent close to 5 hours together until she found, but five very interesting hours because she was very open and we talked a lot about significant things. (I already know I will not write - because it is impossible in writing, and possible only by conversation and dynamics, so forgive me and understand). We talked about how she knew Bryan, and the relationship between them now, and her past, and her husband (both!), And the parents, and she asked a lot about us, how we knew each other, whether we were clear from the beginning, and so on and so forth.
I was very interested and felt like I was starting to understand her a bit. Nafka Mina (insights) may not be there, but I felt that as much as she can in the data, she really likes or insatuates B (Bryan, Debbie's brother - Dina), and really wants to make him happy, and through him my parents that she really likes.
I was amazed, after how I talked on the trip to Skyline diwe, that she even talks to me. Maybe I'm Unduly influenced by your impressions from B so I'm romantlizing - (maybe I should start writing the letter in English! What's wrong with me ?!)
And ..... good news and I hope you sleep:
Janet called last night - what a surprise - from N.Y. - She got engaged and married June 3. So Eli, I trust she's called you already and all this is not new to you (she should have returned to Israel today) - but if you have not already done so - please move my grida to another day - maybe a week Exactly (because otherwise it might not be good anymore).
As you can imagine, I have gone beyond joy and surprise and it makes me happy so far. What a joy !! I promised to make them seven blessings - I really, really want to, so maybe you'll sum up some day with her - or it's waiting until I get back. Great, no?
And I also talked to M. Goss - my music teacher, and even though I thought otherwise, it was very, very interesting and nice. I agreed to see her one day next week.
And today .... you will not guess what I did all morning! I was the teacher! Sarah asked me to be a substitute for one day and I agreed. And even though I went to bed so late I had nightmares all night, I did pretty well. Luckily, the kindergarten is only for 3 hours, I only had 6 kids and one of them had a birthday to fill the time. Not bad.
Then Uncle Teddy came here because he was not far from here, to an ophthalmologist. The surgery went just fine and he is feeling well. We drove to his house to get him back and I finally saw the house !! Really beautiful - in good taste, and has both piano and harpsichorn (harpsichord).
My uncle's attitude towards me is very intense and strong and he really wanted it to be nice and the way he imagined it - he did not want my parents to be either. We listened to music on 4 Stereo speakers and played the instruments. And he arranged with me next week to see him. Remind me to talk about it even when I come back - not something important or special - just. And now I'm devastated !! Squeezed and I will not go to sleep.
Stanley (Debbie's brother), and Lynn (Bryan's wife, her older brother) also said on his behalf how much he regretted not getting to know you anymore. He also felt the need to see us without his parents - a pity.
And Uncle Ted today told me, among other things, that he has been shaking for five and a half years every time he thinks of who I married (do not forget that he never knew you), but now he is happy and bursts with joy even. I thought he was just saying or exaggerating, because to be calm I could have, but happy? from you? (I'm joking). And he immediately answered me yes - he is in the clouds even.
He said that "anyone who can answer a 4-year-old girl who asks where God's hands and feet are - that he answers her that God's hands and feet are Israelites, such a person deserves to have a husband." - Really! Quote verbatim almost. Did I make your day for you?
Tomorrow my mom promised to buy me the wristwatch and after Saturday I will start shopping again.
Write to me a lot and give me all the news - Esther Lebanon - Rebecca Rubin, etc. And how is everyone, and how is the apartment, and most importantly about yourself? How to be at home - did you start teaching? Learn? What do you do with yourself? How is the diet? I'm trying to be more careful now, but I feel very fat. Do you miss me a little?
Attached are drawings of Batsheva - she thinks of you a lot, and every time you see a plane in the sky, Zvi shouts "Here's Daddy!" He really says "Heez Abba". They are a little more nervous - Zvi whines again and Batsheva cries a little more, but not terribly at all and I will manage. They look forward to seeing you.
Well, greetings to all
With great great love
Oops, deer are crying and it's 1:00 !! Hello
(Attached is Batsheva art for you!)
Day, 7 Iyar 5769
In honor of my sweet sweetheart,
My thoughts are all on you. My heart is with you and the longing grows in me. It's a little Saturday and it's a shame you're not with me. I miss the children too.
Today I was with Ratzia (Rabbi Zvi Yehuda HaCohen Kook) Shlita and I greeted him. It was good to see such health in Eretz Israel. Relaxing and joyful, delighting the heart.
Start the day in the room (Talmud Torah Morasha), it was nice to see all the kids again. Bezalel asked about Batsheva and Zvi. On Sunday I will start with my fellowship, full of good hope and bright anticipation. I just miss you, that you are not by my side. And also the darkness of the separation, a light cloud that will soon pass and we will once again be together in the wise and purifying atmosphere of Jerusalem.
I talked to Yosef (Yosl, Dina's aunt, who lived alone in Israel after his whole family perished in the Holocaust). He really enjoys Passover, he has only just received a letter from you. He calmed down a bit to hear about your father - who is not in such a bad situation, but was very disturbed by the situation with Bryan. I told him I estimated it would last him a long time, though I have no idea which direction it would go.
I was in the apartment, our tenants did not show up at all so the apartment is as clean and tidy as we left it. But please tell me, what did you think would happen if you did not insert the plug of the refrigerator back into the socket! Anyway, I had an unpleasant job. who does not.
I told Tzipi that it was impossible to get what she asked for, so she said a set of bedding was very good. You can, I think, buy very cheap at White Sale.
My mom said she sent you a letter and asked for some things. You can add chocolate chips and ....
How are you? I hope this will not be one-sided correspondence. Write me what's going on with you and the cute things the kids do and say, and put some kisses and hugs in the envelope as well. Maybe send the pictures or a letter with the teacher's husband, who I think should travel to Israel soon. It's raining here. Thunderstorms in the Negev. Strange, isn't it?
Meyer (Leah's brother, Eli's mother) and Hebi and Hillel send you a greeting. They are very nice. Enjoy the short visit to the country.
I miss your family too. It was really very nice to be with them, and although there were all sorts of problems, overall a family atmosphere so pleasant that it's really hard to find (I wrote them a thank you letter for that).
I pray that you remain calm and happy even without me - that my thoughts and prayers and longings are enough to infuse you with a little of the comfort of Eretz Israel, and that the knowledge that I am all connected and united in you without any shooting at all, gives you courage and confidence to continue the holy work we began. And I, for my part, live by the expectation that in a short time I will go to Lod to receive you again - what happiness.
A few words for children:
How are you? I hope you feel great and enjoy your grandparents' house, and the garden very, very much. I would have enjoyed if you had written me a letter as well as a drawing. I miss you and soon you will come by plane to Eretz Israel and see you again. You have a Moselle and Bezalel and delicate greeting.
To Tzvikush, hello,
How are you? Do you play with your cars and with Sunshine? (Bryan and Lynn's dog)
Lots of kisses to everyone, especially you, Dina
My beloved Dina, a good and blessed week.
It amazes me how much I think of you. Really non-stop, not only when I'm free, when I'm really with you - your face in front of my eyes - a smile spread across your lips, but also when I'm doing something, talking to someone, etc. - I keep feeling you, I miss you. Real and deep pain, but how sweet it is ... and I hope you think of me sometimes too, and I hope you write to me, if not every day, at least occasionally.
Today I went for a walk to cheer, I was with him for a long time, it was very nice. I was filled with courage and faith - and a lot of peace and peace of mind in our way, in our role, in our values. (I told him, and I also told Jacob) How much I appreciate your family, that although in terms of the spiritual content of American life, the family can be seen as a failure on the part of the sacred value, but when penetrating through the outer layer, discover treasures of fresh Israeliness - warmth and love and brotherhood and brotherhood. A really expensive family.
And not in the banal American ideals should the secret of success be found, not in something hidden deep in your parents' hearts, which may not be so revealed, but without it such a family would not be possible.
And I also love your brother Bryan very much, I look at him with pity in my heart and a tear in my eye, but also with great hope (and established I think) that he will find himself. Not in America - I have no doubt about that, but here. He will come and stay here for some time.
All the things I heard are encouraging about America (poignant clarification) and especially the relationship between America and Israel and the value of American culture and its soul - television, helped me a lot to understand locally in this whole system, and more importantly - our role from now on. I do not want to list things now, but when you come, you will surely also find in things but benefit and encouragement.
Now, suffice it to say that I drew a lot of strength and faith from the source of her blessing in the Torah, and Louis and letters and words but will also flow to you reinforcement of faith and hearing. Very even in the more complicated situations. I read a lot in "Orot Eretz Yisrael" and the paragraphs have a new, deep and pleasant meaning.
Yossel came to my parents' house tonight, and we talked at length. He was very interested in the well-being of your father and your well-being. He received a letter from you (the day after he sent you a letter), he really enjoyed the convalescent home, but when he returned, he felt bad. He went to the doctor to undergo a series of tests the results of which he knew only over the weekend. Today he is already feeling better and he would have looked good to me, albeit a little lonely. He misses you and the kids.
After he left, Toby and Aria and the girls came, and it was very nice to see them. Adina talks all the time about Batsheva. I gave them your letters.
I saw the Zaini family in the synagogue - everyone feels good and asks when you will be back already. Abush (Avi Wolanski 14) wants to know if there is a bonfire on Lag B'Omer in America. Please let me know. This week I will study in a room about Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai and Bar Kochba - about the heroism of the war Torah against Roman culture and against Roman idolatry.
I've just opened the midnight news. Strikes, price increases - as usual. Toby says dresses here cost close to £ 2,700 and shirts cost around £ 400. Everything went up. Sandals between 450 and 1,000 lbs.
It's so hard not to see you and not talk to you. Maybe it's for the best. I think so. Now I clearly see how much I love you and truly appreciate you. How much I believe in you, in your power, in your personality, in your education. And how good it is when we are together. How much life and encouragement I get from you, that today I get from thinking about you.
Think of me and strengthen me from a distance. And I too will think of you a lot, always. Strong and steady thoughts that you can feel when you notice. Happy and healthy thoughts that will benefit you in difficult times.
Left under your head and right always hugging you always. The beams of our house are cedar, our furniture cypresses.
Your loving and missing husband,
A million kisses to the kids and tell me what they say and if they miss me.
Sunday, Or Li Iyar 5769
In honor of my beloved Dina and Batsheva and Zvi,
How are you? I'm already a little tired of being single - after one day, a little too quiet here at home.
Today I started studying, finally. How pleasant to engage in Torah. Hard to go back to school, very hard, but pleasant nonetheless. To create, to act, to build our future - to flow in an upward and progressive stream, instead of looking at the world as an outside observer.
The atmosphere in Israel is much more vibrant than abroad - really crazy. Inflation, strikes, (buses, engineers, hospitals, civil servants, etc.) and it's really awful to walk into a store. I went into the supermarket to buy some yellow cheese and tomatoes and cucumbers - 70 lbs. There was Cereal like I ate in America. Really awful.
But here one can go inside - into the home, into the heart, penetrate into the pulse of real life - to hear the streams of heaven of Torah and holiness, to hear the steps of our righteous Messiah, sometimes quietly and secretly, and sometimes demonstratively.
I have just returned from visiting the Zaini family - Pnina gave a lesson to the Meir Institute. Think of Keshet or Alon as a teacher, or perhaps, to be a teacher of faith in the Golan Yeshiva. They were in Atzmona for the end of Pesach and also visited the Recanati family in Elon Moreh.
They are (recanti) fine. Avraham works half a day in a metal factory, and half a day publishes books in Thessaloniki. Seems like a waste, but maybe it will help him and he will find some appropriate educational role. There has always been a mystery. Anyway they are happy there. Find their place and company, which is perhaps the most important. They will move to Hawara, 3 kilometers from Nablus.
I wrote to you that the Miller family and the Sturman family are moving to Beit El, and so is his grandmother's family. Half the sitting will be there soon. They have completely separated from the settlement of Beit El, and now the relationship between the two frameworks, the settlement and the yeshiva, is excellent, after many months of tension. Mutual, educational, etc., and the situation is much calmer than it used to be.
The withdrawal from El Arish will soon be completed, not on us, but on the other fronts there is more optimism (not on the part of the "government", but on the part of the settlers.) Bench said to encourage that today he is very calm about the Golan and Samaria. Who are willing to give their lives, not seafarers who are tempted to make promises of compensation, etc. There are plans to form a self-government if necessary (with the help of the name it will never come).
I really enjoy seeing old friends — I mean, like Joseph and Mordechai and Toby and Aryeh and Jacob and Oded, etc. — as if I see them with different, warmer, more loving eyes. I just always feel the excruciating pain that you're not here with me, but do not worry, when you come we will do another round of visits, the whole family, it will be a lot of fun.
I showed encouragement and experienced the filming. Oded said he sees the visit as a greater success than what your father looked like. All smiles and happiness. I imagine that now there are more serious moments towards the parting, but do not be surprised, on the contrary, remember the pleasant moments and multiply as much joy and pleasantness as possible - children's laughter, and make life with them.
This is what will hasten the next meeting and the ascent, with the help of the name, of your parents, more than anything else. Unpatrusion and excitement of grief and parting tears will bring them. Perhaps the memory of the smiles and laughter - the pleasantries and jokes of the mind.
Dina, add to your shopping list a lot of reserve pages for a photo album, all the reserves you bought are suitable for Instawatic photos not for Psmw photos that are larger. I've already filled in what's there, so bring a lot. How did the pictures come out? Take lots of pictures. If you have financial problems, then write to me immediately and I will send you dollars from our account here.
Why have I been here five days and have not heard from you yet? If you want me to call you on the phone, then tell me when. Maybe it's not such a good idea, but, anyway, if you want to tell me.
Monday, Or Li'a Iyar 5769
I have just returned from a lesson by Ratzi Shlita in Orot HaTorah. It was really great to hear the rabbi's voice - like cold water for a tired soul. Relaxing and delightful. See how all the students' faces light up with every smile. I so wanted you to be there. The rabbi taught about the Torah of the Land of Israel and the Torah abroad (Chapter XIII). By the way, I can not find my book (Orot HaTorah), maybe by chance I left it there? Look at the wardrobe on the floor and in the drawers (also precious maple and lights are there).
I do not know how to describe to you my feelings, but I think I learned a little from you, or I was infected by you. I feel much stronger, deeper, now. I'm more alive. It makes life harder sometimes, but more equal and strong and all with you, there. And all here, waiting for you.
So far I have been writing by candlelight (there was a power outage) and right now the lights are on, I will go eat dinner - tomato and cucumber with some yellow cheese.
I am attaching to this letter a note that was in my passport that you need when you enter the country.
How are the arrangements you had to make progressing, with the license and the stereo? I really want you to take a lot of pictures. Also photograph azaleas and arboritum or Brighton blood and photograph the children and your parents. Even your mother, she appears in awfully little of the photos I took.
I enjoy writing to you. I just wanted you to know, even though I check all the corners of the mailbox and there is no mention of a letter from you (do not worry, I do not really expect a letter until next week), but it's a little reassuring the dead heart to you,
I hug you every moment, you will always know it, every second.
Slideshow of photos from the trip in America - can be flipped to the sides
Tuesday, Or 12 Iyar 5769
I'm with my parents now. Tomorrow morning Meyer and Heby are traveling and I will send this letter to you. They really enjoyed their stay in the country (not enough to bar on immigration, but still). I spoke first with David and Rebecca Robin, called their daughter Abigail, I told them I wanted to call my daughter by that name and it made them very happy. Really beautiful name no?
There is no letter from you yet. I miss you so much. Do you think I can ever call a collection - or will your parents get upset? To hear your voice tonight and the voices of the children - I miss you so much.
Slowly, slowly, I return to a serious and strong study order. I wonder how much I now loathe all sorts of things I was drawn to before the trip: sand books, records, etc. I have a lot of desire to study, to work hard at the door of Torah - there is nothing more pleasant and evening than that.
By the way, I listened to Ari's stereo, and there's nothing to compare, you must have already replaced the speakers. Well, the main thing is that you enjoy them. I have not heard anything from Marilyn and have not called Janet in the meantime. The Robin family sends a warm greeting as well as Deborah Shore.
I'll finish now so I can send already. With lots of kisses and hugs
Your missing husband,
Tuesday, 27 Omer, Or 12 Iyar 5769
Again after midnight - and in fact already Wednesday. I made a calculation that it is almost not worth writing anymore, because in the two weeks it will take until the letter arrives, we will all have arrived.
And you have already adapted to everyday life and you have already forgotten the trip and my family and everyone and everything that went through - yes? And you forgot us too? Soon I will start expecting a letter from you - what fun! We have not written letters in a long time.
And with us everything is as usual - and really very pleasant. Since time after time, everything has become more and more pleasant. And I really think there is no connection between the fact that you are traveling and the atmosphere at home - quite the opposite. I very, very much think that we love you very much - more than we felt, and respect you. Especially my father, my mother has always loved you - or since Shabbat-Sheva was born, and my brother is also very loving. And my uncle (as I said) is totally in love !!
I have not heard a word, even with the slightest hint of bitterness, enmity, nervousness, etc. towards you - towards us, and I believe I will not hear, because these things do not exist. And maybe it was good that I stayed so long, that this atmosphere, family, strong, could have been absorbed into me in balance and for a time, without the nervousness of a meeting, Passover, parting.
We feel fine. This does not mean that we do not miss and long to return - and we will return with a wonderful feeling, that God will succeed through us and our mission.
I'm busy with the stereo - but, oh, everything's about to end. On Thursday I will choose new speakers, or EPI100 or KLH and agree on HIFI Buys that I will replace with the bush - all for the same price. I'll make a final decision on Thursday.
On Sunday we had dinner at Lisu's, it was nice, but again, everything, to me, with Lisu's mother and I hardly spoke to her. So I invited her separately to come here alone next Sunday, and she's very happy.
Yesterday I spent the whole day with Uncle Teddy at his house. The truth is that I was a little apprehensive about it - what will happen, what does he want from me, especially after last Thursday, but I enjoyed it so much !! He wanted me to have a nice day off, and he really did. He went out to work in the yard and told me to do whatever I wanted at home, and I played his harpsichord for two hours, then we ate (salad !!) and listened to the records, and then we talked in his garden and then I drove. Very Proper.
The kids drove my mother crazy, but, .. and ... Zvi made a dish in the pot !!! (By mistake - Mommy bought him a car, and of course Batsheva also has a game!)
Last night I was invited to Bryan for dinner, but there was a misunderstanding and they did not understand that and in the end I brought an eggplant salad and yellow cheese and yogurt, I ate it there and sat and watched TV with them until 12:30 - we hardly talked.
That's how the visit went, but I really enjoyed it. There are not many more things (in speech) that need to pass between us, and it is good to just sit next to each other. I gave him the book Orot Hatshuva and he was very happy, and said he was waiting for it to be in English and tried to read the rabbi's writings in Hebrew (a book of lights he found one day a few weeks ago), but was unsuccessful.
Today I ran around all sorts of places about stereo and radio - I also bought on Thursday because they had to order. I also got already ... took 10 minutes! It is only valid for one year and cannot be renewed, so I do not know why it is good, but it seems.
Tonight my mother invited Lynn who arrived today from cal for dinner. Strange - strange. She's a nice woman, but it's all about me.
Tomorrow we're all going to Waynesbero to buy kids clothes and do… Roda (Dina's girlfriend from school) wanted me to come sit alone, and I have a ride back and forth, but my mother does not want to, so I will not go - you must be happy. I'm not so much. And I dreamed I gained 24lb in weight, so when I got up I weighed - and lost one lb - now 139 !! It is good! I'm trying to be okay with the diet again, and sticking to the belt, more or less.
Batsheva went today with her garden to the zoo, and luckily they did not go to see the lion !! She really enjoys and submits greetings. Do you know how a deer happens to a bridge? "Hush", from the language of darkness (when traveling under a bridge then for a moment it is darkness) and a bridge. Original, no?
What a hamsin !! 87 Fahrenheit and it's impossible to fall asleep!
I love you!!
Slideshow - can be flipped to the sides
Wednesday, Or Lig Iyar 5769
The very beloved Dina,
I just got back from the Bull family (Deborah and Michael). They invited me to dinner. I had fun. I told about the trip and showed you the pictures. They praised them very much. It also has a Yashuca Fx-2.
I tried for three hours (between 7:00 and 10:00 here) to call you Direct and could not. I just missed and wanted to hear your voice.
I did not receive mail from you again, but there was a strike for 3 days, so there is a delay in the distribution. I sent a letter to Mayer and my friend with a ticket to your country, you must have received it already.
Michael wants to study with me and I think I will try to make time for it as I do not continue to study with Oded. Not hearing the lessons anymore bothers me. Really it really saddens me that since I came back I have not heard any lesson from Oded. I asked him if I could record secretly, he said that if anyone finds out and demands to record he will forbid it, but as long as it is really secret, he does not care.
It must seem silly to you the whole thing, but I really miss studying with Oded. Therefore, if you have leisure, you will be interested if there is a very small, inexpensive tape that gets a cassette of at least 30 minutes on each side. I did not so much examine the subject when I was there. If this is a nuisance, forget about it. It really is not that important.
Too bad you were not home when I called, maybe I'll try again tomorrow or next week.
Michael and Deborah greet you. I miss you very much, and especially the children. Me too, especially to you.
Saturday I will be with Yossi Kellner. Next Saturday I think I'll be with the Sturman family.
Dinhala Dinhala! When are you coming? I'm thinking about the day you come, how I'll fix the house and buy flowers, quite a mess now, and how we'll drive to the airport. What a joy, I really did not think I could miss so much. I think overall it's a good thing, with all the sorrow in it, maybe precisely because of the sorrow, it gives a clearer perspective, but I would still give up.
What does that sound like? I feel a little silly to ask you in each letter the same questions, when I have not yet received answers on the first ones, but I want you to write me in detail everything you do and how the visit goes, and if everything flows on who rests, or there are some explosions, and how you manage to stand all The situations.
I very, very much hope that your great faith and steadfast personality will stand up to you and you will be able to overcome any difficulty, for the benefit of your family. Actually, I'm sure you'm successful.
What's up with Bryan? Has he returned to the shell of silence in relation to this? And how's Stanley? Give everyone a warm greeting from me and lots of kisses to the kids. I beg you to write everything to me, especially about the children, and hurry your father to make us the picture he promised.
Your loving husband
By the way - Toby sent a letter to the address ..... (incorrect), maybe you will be interested in the mail and they will give it to you. I have a very smart sister, no?
Thursday Or Lid Iyar 5769
My sweet sweetheart,
I just got back from a wonderful lesson with Oded. I opened the mailbox and with great excitement took out three letters that were there. I was sure I would finally hear from the loves of my heart. The first was from Otzar Haschon, the second from Mizrahi Bank and the third - another letter from Otzar Haschon. What a disappointment. There is no longer a strike, so where are you?
You must be so busy, that you do not have time to write, or that it takes a long time for the mail to arrive. Maybe, if you throw it hard into the box, it's coming faster. Anyway, I've finished in my heart to call you tomorrow. I'm recording you here the phone numbers of Toby and Deborah and the parents, that if I call from one of these places and talk for a minute, you can call me back.
Toby - 814651
Deborah and Michael 811998
Write down the numbers in the book there, it's just very expensive to call from here.
There is nothing new here, except that I miss you and the children more and more every day. The study is fine. Still needs improvement, but is starting to get better. What is mostly lacking is to drive the laziness and idleness out of my bones and get used to serious toil. That's really the point. To toil and work. trouble.
The main joy in learning is to regret it. And also in life do not keep quiet and do not rest. If you just know it and get used to it, you can enjoy life a lot and bring a great blessing in it. Get up in the morning full of fighting spirit ahead of the challenges and renewed attempts each day. Out of a deep and penetrating awareness that is why we came into the world.
To fight and fight, not a war of fire and bombs, but a holy war - to increase kindness and love. To see every complication and crisis, as the next attempt to awaken in us even greater and stronger forces of truth and faith. Always look for the real thing. Live a real life. Deepen our feelings towards those around us. To discover among us, frequently, the good, Israeli eye - the foundation of our general and private existence.
Just do not give up and do not be afraid of anything, that really fear is the most acute idleness. The insistence on staying on the superficial plane of external causes and turns. To believe in the world of chance. Empty of ideals and content. A true lover. Denial, in fact, of all the good we have built.
After all, Israeli optimism is not a philosophical method, it is a fact of life, a life self. Anchored in each of our limbs and tendons.
Do not be lazy. Every morning, noon and evening we need to call ourselves to be revealed. To call freedom to all the springs of love and confidence and faith that dwell within us, waiting to be released and poured out on all ends of our essence, and to influence blessing and happiness to all around us.
We need to be good - to love ourselves, our family. You are our company. That is why we were created. To work for the benefit, not to be satisfied with external facts that herald imaginary happiness for a moment or an hour, but to deprive the depths of our souls of true, eternal happiness, which shines a blessing for generations to come.
Some Eretz - Israeli thoughts wandering through my head. I do not know how they will be received there, but I know that they will make you happy, my Israeli wife, enveloped in the atmosphere of the Land of Israel, even in the darkness of Amma Rika. And the more you strive to fulfill your mission, purify your thoughts, and bring joy and peace to your family, the thicker the layer of atmosphere of the Land of Israel that surrounds you, and everyone will feel the heavens of Jerusalem, and lust for them, .
A million kisses to you and the kids
post Scriptum. Write a lot and fast - everything that happens to you in real detail, and I also want to see letters from Batsheva and Zvi. Tell them a little about Rabbi Akiva and the Bar Kochba revolt and about Jerusalem. And put, please, a lot of kisses in the letter, just like I do.
Friday, 14 Iyar 5769
How good to talk to you today !! What a surprise! I did not expect that. Now all day I miss you even more - if such a thing is possible.
Terribly strange, the feeling of being at home, and the feeling of the Land of Israel, and so unfortunate that they are, for now, contradictory, and one at the expense of the other. And God, I will pass this feeling on to them, and draw some conclusions, and maybe these conclusions will come after we leave, I hope.
What a day!! Now in the afternoon - no, evening - and soon Saturday. The kids in the bathroom and I hurry up and tidy up. Another hour and a half to sit. Mess day. We decided today to go see what about the camera, because the last pictures came out weird, most of them very dark and only the edge in the right light, and only with Flash pictures, and we did not know if the camera is wrong or the flash.
We went today to a man who fixes cameras and determined that the flash is cheap and probably too late. He checked the camera and said everything was fine (it moves from picture to picture fine, etc.). So we went back to Korvettes and decided to buy a better new flash. We bought for $ 20. Hope it will be good.
We did all kinds of other shopping. We were with Lynn and her mom. On the way, Lynn lost one of her shoes !! Do not ask how, so we went to buy another one. In the afternoon I wanted to shoot with the new flash, to see with everything running, and we put in batteries, and waited, and nothing happened! So we immediately went back to the store to return. We arrived and I shouted and told the story, I opened the box and hop! Everything worked. The woman said it takes 10-15 minutes the first time. What a shame.
I took the opportunity to buy my mother a present for Mother's Day the next day. I found two beach towels, one on which was written: "Have a nice day" (well, close!) And the other on which was written "....", so one from Batsheva and one from my situation, and from it I bought a large fragrant soap. And my glasses fell and broke! What a day!
So good to talk to you! And now I'm looking forward to next Friday in anticipation. And soon it's not worth writing to you!
Did you call Arlene? Kibbutz Sasa D.N. Meron.
Yesterday I visited with Mrs Gosi, a piano teacher. She is willing to help me and give me tips and booklets in teaching, and I have arranged the stereo. I replace the bush with ... they cost $ 134 with speakers, and he gives me a cheap one because they are demonstnator. I really enjoyed piano on them.
I started learning to drive Bryan's car, and the first time I drove, his car broke down !! (I was not to blame). Yesterday Stanley came to dinner and we both talked for a few hours. Very nice, but we were interrupted in the middle, so maybe there will be a sequel.
Well, Eli, Shabbat Shalom.
One more Saturday and we'll be home. Did you go to the rabbi? What if Rebecca and Esther and Dina Sturman?
Dina your wife
Friday, 14 Iyar 5769
To my beloved Dina
The mail has already arrived - and again there is no letter from you. For a week and a half not to hear from you - really excessive. Soon I will try to call you. I hope you receive my letters. It's the seventh or eighth. I wrote every day, as I promised, but a few days I sent along with Meyer and my brother.
I made a mistake in the calculation, I thought there was only 5 hours difference and I wanted to call it is 8:00 in the morning there, now I have to wait an hour.
The weather is starting to warm up, a bit hot. So far it has been great weather, lovely winds. It's hard to describe, but here everything is alive. The air, I mean. In America it is very beautiful, much more neat, but sterile, like a picture compared to life.
Toby told me there was something that could be connected to a mixer that makes a cabbage and carrot salad and so on. Really more important to me is something that makes a tomato and cucumber salad. I've been indulging a bit lately. Although I only live on tomatoes, cucumbers and avocados, I have not made a salad since I returned. You will also be interested in connecting apple juice, carrots, grapes, etc.
Dinhala 'Dinhala' Dinhala '- If you knew how many times a day I pronounce your name, and see and look at you in my mind's eye, you would be amazed. I love you so much - literally. I hope you think good thoughts of me, and forget all the confusion and nervousness (?) That was when I was there with you.
There were things so ridiculous and absurd that it is almost impossible to believe, in any case, against the background of the purity of the air of the Land of Israel and the serenity of the light of the Torah of the Land of Israel, they are not understood at all.
But know that I - I, really (me, your husband) are connected and cling to you in the depths of my soul and self - even when thousands of miles separate us.
I just talked to you. It's so good to hear you and Batsheva, and to hear that everything is pleasant and nice. And that everyone feels good. I was just sorry that you do not write to me every day as I write to you, and that you do not miss me as much as I miss you. And that it does not matter at all whether I am there or not.
Just kidding. So nice to hear your voice. I really enjoyed it so much - indescribable. Too bad it costs so much money (600 pounds). I hope next time you agree to call me. It seems strange to you, probably, but to me it is very important and good to hear you.
With great love and longing there is no end
Dear Family Good Week (and especially to you, my love)
I hope so far you have received some of the letters I have sent. (This was a bit silly since if you received this letter, you would probably have received all the letters sent before).
I'm very happy about the good news about Janet. I have not called her yet.
I will try to change the date of the grid on the phone, but if I do not succeed, I will leave it to you when you return. There will be enough time then.
In general, I try to sort out the practical matters (matters of accounts, returned checks, commitments to pay, etc.), but I am really very busy, (BH), and I hope you will not be angry if you have anything left to do in these matters.
Simply, Oded found some time to study Rathi (very little) on Friday morning, and that delays a lot of practical arrangements.
As for G. Congratulations to Janet, this is a very nice idea, but I'm afraid you did not think about it enough, since we do not have a quorum of mutual friends, and I do not think we have even one. Inviting their friends can be unpleasant in many ways, and inviting our friends will certainly not be so pleasant for them.
Please, remember our seven blessings in Mevaseret, made by people of the same "kind" as us, and yet I felt very uncomfortable as I knew almost no one. Maybe it would have been better to invite them for one greeting, as Oded invited us. Think about it, anyway.
I spent the Sabbath with the Kellner family. I had a lot of fun. They are such humble and pleasant-mannered people. A real pleasure. An atmosphere of piety and quiet and joy. Grammar in great detail in halakhah, but all calmly, without a trace of nervousness. Also an atmosphere of scholarship and diligence. Then we went to Ritzia Shlita. Also a pleasure.
You would have so much enjoyed hearing the lessons. Since the trip I have felt their importance and action, much more than before, especially in relation to the Land of Israel and the holiness of Israel. Things are taking on a new and deeper meaning.
I'm a little sorry you replaced the speakers, I preferred the Bosch, but I'll probably never (or almost never) listen, so it's important that you be happy with the sound. Just be sure this is what you want, as in terms of replacing them the bush is worth a lot more, since it's a more reputable company. Standard records you want there. The prices here are absurd, as are the prices of other things. And do not forget to buy replacement cartridges.
I spoke to Yossel on Friday. The results of the tests he did were not satisfactory, he said, but he refuses to tell me exactly what he has. I'm sure he will tell you when you come. I can not decipher if this is something serious or not. You know Yosl. But he would not have sounded too depressed to me, so it may not be serious at all. He was very happy when I said that I believe the parents will come next Passover. He cares so much for your father, but he was very relieved when I described his condition.
We will be with my parents the first Saturday after your return, they are a little offended by me that I am not with them now.
My mother is actually very sorry I did not get there, so I decided to come this Tuesday evening for dinner. I understand her, on the one hand, I put myself in her place, but on the other hand, I'm really, really stressed, my curriculum has changed a bit and I have to make a supreme effort to fulfill my plans.
I really do not know what will happen when you return. I laugh. Really, I'm so eager to see you guys. When you come, I will surely be able to cram the same amount of study into a shorter amount of time.
how are the kids doing. I miss hearing them so much. Give them lots of kisses and hugs from me, and remind them that they will not forget me. You will also photograph a lot. How did the photos come out of Baltimore? I so feel I'm wrong with you in terms of your education.
Batsheva is already big and we really need to pay attention to her education "for the sake of those who command his sons," to impress her and instill in her all the positive and sacred Israeli values. To feed her with nice and pleasant things from the source of the real Israeli culture.
She is at such a stage that everything she is given is given to her - she literally swallows. And need much caution and strenuous diligence to bring it together in sacred values and not in things of emptiness and vanity.
And Tzvikush is also starting to be a bit of a human being. He must have forgotten me by now. How much I miss them.
I have such a desire to learn something from you from Lights, but right now. Well, soon.
Your loving and missing husband
Sunday, 51st of Omer, 17 Iyar 5769
Now it's late and I'm so angry! I can not find a pen and only this (marker) - and I write like a newcomer with it !!
I have a feeling this letter will come after me. Today is Sunday - more than a week and a half since you left and I have not yet received a single letter! I hope the mail from here to you is more agile and that you at least no longer feel as disconnected as I do, but again, thank you so much for calling.
The truth is that it's a little hard for me to write. My girlfriend ... was here until recently, and finally told me everything she went through, and it's not easy - including suicide attempts. The story as a whole I can and can not kneel to tell, but suffice it to know that she has been in several hospitals for the past 5 years, and even now sees a therapist 3 times a week.
She is now in a much better condition. For my part, I have tried to encourage her in the direction of greater awareness and anguish, showing greatness and new and great life that is about to appear, and that it is all only a positive thing, and each has his own peculiarity, and great is the person to see his progress and growth in these areas.
We understood each other and it was good, I hope. I encouraged her to come to this country (but not under pressure) and we agreed to keep in touch, but I'm a little exhausted now.
Shabbat passed over us quietly and beautifully. The boys and I visited Clacinc because she was ill, and from there we went to Juoy, but she and the girls were on their way to us! So we went back quickly and met here and spent a few hours together. Very very nice. Stanley comes in the evening and sleeps here. And today is Mother's Day, it's a big and somewhat significant day, because we were all, except you, together. We handed out presents. Stanley gave me lo .. stemmed ruse and Lynn and Brian gave me a very gourmet and kosher type of popcorn.
At noon my cousin Susie came to visit. We talked for about an hour and a half and I felt weird, like I did not have much to say. It almost never happens to me !! My mom called later and told me she was crying (Susie) and I hope not from me! Oh, deer are crying! Cute! Batsheva wanted to hug me and Zvi wanted to turn on a light!
Good! Only for me I write - and my letters are like diaries, which is not good, but for me it may be consumed.
Eli darling, I miss and love you so much,
The kids ask about you all day
post Scriptum. Is the connection made with Arlene?
Sunday, August 7, 1959
To my dear Dina,
I no longer found satisfaction in the mailbox. A real scandal. I'm so glad I called you at least.
I have just returned from a lesson by Oded (Rabbi Oded Wolansky) in the opinion of Gd. Really wonderful. On Sunday and Thursday I return home around 11:00 because of Oded's lessons, and on Sunday and Monday and Wednesday I participate in the lessons of Ratzi Shlita (Rabbi Zvi Yehuda Kook) in the Orot HaTorah and Sefer Tehilim. Tuesday I left free for now.
I saw Shalom today and yet, he was sitting. Very busy with the affairs of Kiryat Arba, which is now (as usual) at the center of national unrest. A week and a half ago, a group of women and children from the campus sneaked into the Hadassah building in Hebron and established a settlement there.
Apart from the daily "prime minister" insults about the nation's enemies - Gush Emunim, which oppresses Israel (somewhat reminiscent of the words of one former minister about Gush Emunim - the nation's cancer), they have not been able to evacuate them so far. David Landau from Kiryat Arba in prison in connection with the killing of Arabs in Halhul. Besides, things are in order. There is not much new.
I spoke with Yosef Zaini at length, today about his very vague plans. He's thinking of a bow maybe, but there's nothing safe yet.
I postponed your purse for one week, I hope I can arrange a commitment. If not here's a new product just for you!
I did not hear from the daughter - your aunt nothing. I tried, without success, to call relatives in Naan for the kind of movies.
Monday 17 Iyar 5769
Right now the mail has arrived - and again - neither a word nor a sign from you. So depressing. I really think so much about you and so want to hear from you. Even if some of your letters arrive sometime (questionable), I will not be able to reply to you. There is no longer much point in writing, if it takes the same time for a letter to get there.
Please buy me some oily pens (parkers) - ones with a lid. I got used to the orange pen I bought there and it went to my processing. You can buy them at any store. (Except for a few regular parkers).
I have not been to the Western Wall yet. I'm debating whether to wait for you and go together on Jerusalem day (not necessarily at night). I have not yet visited R. Ben Yaakov and I really want to.
I assume you're on flight TWA 890 next Thursday and arrive at 3:45 p.m. If not, please let me know what flight and what time you are arriving (I arrived close to 5 because there was a terrible mess in Rome). We do not yet know exactly how we will take you from the airport. Do not forget to bring sedatives for the children and ask to sit in the first seat. It's much more convenient.
I'll send it that may arrive before your trip. A good trip. See you soon. Do not get too excited about the farewell, it is only until next Passover. And who knows, maybe even before that.
Lots of kisses and hugs for you and the kids.
post Scriptum. My mother reminded me that seven years ago in the summer, I called the post office and shouted at them that they were not bringing the letters. Maybe I'll do it now too, I do not know what they have against me.
Lag B'Omer, light for Tuesday 18 Iyar
I finally found a pen!
I received your letter today! The first since you traveled! How happy I was. This is the letter you sent with Meyer and Heby, probably. But I watched it today and melted when I saw it coming. I have no words to tell you how good it is for me to hear from you - thoughts and deeds every day. Even the smallest things, like a word here about the supermarket or the Zaini family - so good for me!
I know my letters lately are pretty bad, and it's because I know I'll get there before the letters, and most of it is a passing mood anyway, and I have no interest in strengthening you, etc., so I'm just writing nonsense. - And even now I feel from weakness and laxity in writing. I would never "write letters" !!
I tried to describe to you and give you the impression of how nice and how pleasant it is and how much - as I can appreciate if possible this trip - but how good for me and good for all of us more than I could describe. And so it should be, because how can one describe family ties, and close ones like these? And for what to describe? Reality exists even if a little forgotten, or swallowed, or faded.
On the one hand, I very much now understand the validity of sons who sin my sons are. Ridiculous to say even. It's a reality and it's wonderful. So do not think shmulte soapopea goes here. There are no seenes of expressing love, etc., just pleasantness. And good.
There is nothing to talk about, there are also difficult moments, and they are still very difficult for me, and nothing is deducted from it, and I am deeply hurt, but - that's how it is. Good. reality.
Right now, if you have not felt so far, I am very much feeling cnomy (my word). Everything is confused. For some reason and for no reason I cry. Maybe it's because of your letter - I miss you so much and need you. I really feel that we are together and you are with me and make me happy, if you feel this side of me, my family.
Until we came here and for as long as I knew you, always, all the positives in relation to my family were clouded with fear - fear of what would happen to my father and what I did to him, or static in looking, so to speak, different scale, other eyes, Torah mind, so to speak, even if I denied it In all my stubbornness and even now I am not free, not at all.
But the factor of time - does its thing. Time purifies and cleanses, and more than that, it compares, restores to a certain equilibrium. So I feel, in some ways, that my visit here is too short - not that I would suggest extending it practically, but not many people get to learn everything I learned in this way, because I pray that this "study" will not be wasted on me, Or miss by and that we will win and come out of it only blessing and benefit.
And on the other hand, I cry about the futility of it - that our family and our place and our lives look very different from my parents' lives and their place and their lives. And I learned how precious I am and how much they can add to us and our child indefinitely. May God hear my prayer and knowledge and keep my soul's hopes.
And I just cry because just. I love you so much and want you so much with me always. Understood what I am writing? No - because I did not write clearly, and hardly a whole sentence - but that is not what I meant. Will you feel with me what I feel? Can I experience everything you are going through right now, exclusively, after such a trip?
Oh my, I'm so sad to be separated from my parents, and sometimes I no longer have the strength to be strong. I want to cry and cry for them to come too. May my father be healed. Let my brothers return - they will return. And Lynn - I love her very much (is that forbidden? I inserted her deeper than the "button"), that Lynn will be happy and see fruit. Let everyone come. Shabbat-Sheva and Zvi knew what and what I grew up on - the food of my life.
Eli .. I do not count, I can not describe in words. The rabbi said to write, but this was as an example, because writing is not domain. There never was. But all sorts of things have arisen in me and they are awake and hurting me more now, causing me to miss you more and more and more and soon I will explode.
Write me more and more and I wish I would hear from you again tomorrow! I feel out of place here in my place.
Excuse me for such a letter!
- I love you with all my heart.
On the evening of Lag B'Omer, Or Lit 19 Iyar 5769
My dear Dina,
Absolute despair, even today I did not receive a letter from you. Terrible and really awful. I received a letter from Marilyn (Dina's cousin), she will come to Jerusalem after you return. She asks me to send dictates coming to her for us, she gave people our address, and she states that she has not received mail since she is in the country. I sent her a letter from you and another letter that arrived for her a week and a half ago (12 days) and my letter was sent 3 days ago. So something here is very wrong.
I had dinner with my parents today. My mother is a little offended that I do not come more often, but really I am very busy.
I had not spoken to Janet yet, but she tried to call me several times. Deborah and Michael Schur are looking for an apartment. Very difficult situation, rent is only slightly less than his salary, very difficult for them. I will be interested tomorrow if there is a possibility of an apartment in Mevaseret.
The index has risen in the last month .. guess .. no. You were wrong, it rose by 8.7% and we are on the way to 100% inflation for the year. Apartments have risen 130% in the past year, but the Ministry of Finance expects a recession in inflation in the coming months (they have been expecting for two years).
I do not so much believe that this letter will reach you in America, if you receive letters at the same rate I receive, then none of the letters will reach you, so it's a bit silly to write, but really I do not write just for you to read the letters. I write because that's how I feel a little bit, like, that I'm talking to you, and it's nice. I'm more comfortable talking to you, I mean, but still ... I'm glad I have a lot of photos of you and the kids.
My study, it has its ups and downs, but it is stabilizing, and there really are all kinds of new feelings and perceptions every day. I find myself in a wonderful openness and new hearing that I have never felt. Everything looks new and alive, full of life and challenge. There is so much to do and no time.
How good it is to be one of the workers, how pleasant and nice to really engage in the Torah, and especially on its spiritual side, in which I discover new treasures every day, and in fact new treasures within me, still far from maturity and perfection, but full of anticipation and confidence in the good future. Hour and every moment, to enlighten and comfort, to correct and perfect everything - to exterminate the spirit of impurity from the land and to suck an abundance of blessing from the source of blessings.
I do not understand what spirit of nonsense gripped me when I was in Ar'a Dashukha to sit idle, to sit before the dew of shame (television) and suppress all the buds of creation within me, to darken my senses and dull my mind, to fill my imagination with false visions from a world of emptiness and decay, the peak of spiritual superficiality
But what was was, and even if at every moment there is accountability, there is also the fresh, living and vibrant creation, immersed in the pure mikvah of the Torah of the pleasant and pleasant Land of Israel for its learners and all who surround them.
I'm so longing for you to be by my side, on my lap. That together we will breathe the air of freedom and goodness, and together we will embrace our nice and wonderful children, and we will be privileged to educate them in the happiness and heroism of the Land of Israel.
Many kisses from Eretz Israel are full of love and longing.