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I am not a perfect husband, I have weaknesses like other mortals, but in one thing I am not damaged

Exchange of letters between Eli and Dina during a crisis in a relationship


To my dear and beloved wife,


I did not drink wine and liquor from here that the suspect in it and not in it, should be informed.


I am very, very sorry for disabling the peace light of Noam Love in pleasures. And I was deeply saddened by the lack of knowledge of what she was coming for. And God said, etc. And I do not resent his faith, and I must seek and search my deeds. Along with that, I must announce that I have not a shred of what I was suspected of.


1.

During twenty-six years of marriage, we went through difficult things in all areas. I am not a perfect husband, I have weaknesses like other mortals, but in one thing I am not damaged at all, and that is: standing by your side as a supporter of you in everything that happens to you / us.


I have always, from our marriage to this day and in general, may God grant us good and pleasant days together, - attentive to your physical and spiritual torments, and carrying with you a yoke, reaching out to weep over him, and leaning against it - even last Tuesday, in a dose and manner I thought was for your good and health.

Also "ignoring" from training you that you are not a fragile flower and that you need your time to let go of the turbulent emotions.


Therefore, I was very surprised to hear that you have known for a long time that you have no support and relief, and that in times of crisis, no one goes his own way - ever since. I was surprised - meaning I received a fierce, completely unexpected blow, from the most unexpected source and at the most unexpected time possible - impossible - imaginable.


(In my opinion, what was last year is irrelevant, you were "Shlucha Darhamna" to make it clear that I have nothing to do on Mount Moor, that neither you nor I understand it - there was a clarification, not an arbitrator, that does not relate to my support for you in a time of crisis. Esther, Keren , And the most difficult crisis - uncertainty about how to spend the year)


2.

The lecture I can and want to stop you from honoring parents is so ridiculous that it really does not deserve a response. If in this area I am sinning, with critical remarks that you are not "okay" with your mother, and instead of respect there is a system of guilt that should have been clarified, but it is not my job to comment, and in any case I am very happy for any desire to make your mother happy.


3.

Regarding comfort, I like you know how important it is for her to have the freedom and opportunity to share with you what she is experiencing. I would very much like us to be partners in this in mutual training. I do not understand why she has to grumble in her face about the "stupid men" who can not take out a meter and stand the guy by the wall to measure him - why do you see this as a legitimate remark and an expression of training in me.


I promise you that I, like you, if not more than you, want Nehama to have pleasant experiences when she comes in a pleasant way to the most important decision in her life. Why do you suspect me not, and if she disagrees with me and tells in precise details what she is going through, it is not necessarily with me, it is not between me and Nehama.


Maybe - if this is your problem - you are conveying that you have other priorities, and that you do not have time for them. I do not know. There are unexpected events that appear suddenly, such as Parents' Day, certificates, etc., around which you broadcast in a clear voice - get away from me and beware of me, but maybe it's not, maybe there is nothing. No problem. And this is just another bead in the string of imaginings that originates in a completely different place.


If your spirit rests on me with all those accusations, you will be ashamed. And if this letter makes you uneasy, destroy it.


For my part, in my hard and quiet work I was not so successful at this station - you could say - I failed miserably, in living and creating without consideration outside - in what people think of me and how they see me, and so on.


There are situations and places that slowly, with not simple toil, a lot of murky foam recedes and the water infiltrates slowly, but here at home, I am very, very far from it. Maybe it all comes down to shattering the gothic imagination that I really succeed at.


When you brighten your face, when you cheer and love, you even express appreciation sometimes - so it's easy outside to be "matter-of-fact", to let the inner flow flow freely - or not to flow - without panic. To mean "Sama" is a measure, and maybe it's all imagination. I do not know.


Obviously your frown darkens my world and completely plays to my abilities, and for that, apparently, I have to thank you (as Bilha Sheffer would say) I do not know. I'm embarrassed. Things will become clearer later.


Your loving and always supportive husband (even now)

Eli,


I have chosen to answer your letter by letter, not by speech, the written word has its own weight, and the more it reveals, the more it hides. It was actually chosen - and the principle of selectivity also says it is demanding.


To the price of giving up free-flowing, flowing, repetitive, etc., is added the benefits of discretion, balanced thought, order, and organization. The same goes for timing - I chose to write, not in response, but after "foreclosure" of your written letter, along with "actually" illuminating your face.


Time has a special virtue that allows "flooding" (?) "Floating" (?) [I mean from the language "floating" - on the surface of the water] Mainly from a treat, text from a background - it gives a kind of three-dimensional "depth, diagnosis and perspective, which I feel Which I especially need.


I am very pleased to write to you, and for a long time I have not taken this great tool. At the moment it seems to me (probably under the influence or an unknown root "floating") as a rope that connects to the anchor in the depths of the calm and calm sea, when I lie on top, and indeed floats, warms from the sun, moves here and there in waves, without fear of drift (drift) Strongly attached to the ground, and without fear of discovering (the sea is calm - so I drew).


And even if they come, I'm good at "getting along in the water" and feel like I know how to improvise, fold, dive, jump, avoid breathing, or alternatively, strive with all my might, and especially wait patiently and get up again and prepare myself for "watching" "flooding" Views' Whatever.


Now I hear you - 'Where am I ?! where is your Husband?! He's not in your narrative !! You are autonomous, you do not need anyone, you are difficult, hermetically closed, irreparably selfish, etc. "


And the writing tool does not allow me to explain in words what is so visible to the eye, (in the mental eye) - you are the rope and the anchor, you are the caressing hot sun, and yes, you are also the calm waves, also the roaring !!


I'm just not sure if you're also the urge to "lift" me back into a flooding / viewing / viewing position, or is it just the power you infuse in me ....


We will now leave the sea. The sand too.


I do not believe in witchcraft and magic. I recognize holiness, purity. I try to connect with upward movement (exaltation) and not static, and recognize that a straight line is not the safe or fast way between two "places", all my paintings are ours, and that is the basis of my understanding of the essence of holiness ("never exists", so it was The rabbi explains - and I understand that the word "never" is not "bound" to the passage of time, but also includes the passage of souls ...). And yes, that's how I perceive our phenomenology.


Understand: this, all this, is not a parable, they are reality according to my vision:

Sea of ​​Holiness (not the sand!)

A song of silence (modesty)

Kaleidoscope of whiteness (purity)


And maybe the painting is like this:

Sometimes it is hazy, slightly faded (due to external pressures)

Sometimes it is off (due to lack of light source)

But it always exists - there is no other !!


And I wish I could conquer you in this and convince you in this - there is no other !!


Here I'm flawed and trapped, it's not magic - it's opening and closing the shutters. We are one body, and the body has sections and partitions. Sometimes, in order to see - you have to blink, and sometimes - you have to close your eyes, see the prospect inside.


I no longer know how to use the writing tools to explain.


My power in him is meager.


Try to understand, but if you do not succeed (but you will succeed), it is not critical to anything.


Love,


Dina

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