One of our weaknesses is that we are offended by our children. We love and invest and in the end the children do not recognize all our investment, and we are offended.
We are human beings, but when the child speaks to us insolently and the like, this is not the time to be offended, it will not help and it is also a bit of a robbery in our role as parents. We are here for him, to hear him, to receive him.
Hurting us is not the important issue right now. On the contrary, I the parent is here for him.
Do not use the harm the child has done to you as a manipulative tool to achieve goals such as "Look how you hurt your mother, what did you do ?!". "You know the things you said can make Dad have a heart attack."
It is very easy to use this tool and get results in the short term, but it is a cheap and unfair tool. The child does not intend to harm us, this is not his goal, and when the parent is injured - the child is frightened, the ground falls under his feet.
Another time you can sit and talk to him about the fact that sometimes when talking is not nice - it can hurt and the like, but not while the child is talking, not now. Now the child needs to be heard and accepted.
Our job is not to get hurt by the child, but to hear the child and understand what he is really trying to say. Listen to what is beyond the words and the way he speaks.
This element is true not only when the child says or does negative things, but also in the positive things. When we hear that the child praises something, that he is enthusiastic about something - we must listen and pay attention to what he is enthusiastic about, even if he is enthusiastic about a talented basketball player - we must listen not only to the content and not just the words but what is behind it, what motivates the child. Maybe it's an aspiration for honesty, heroism, or any other good trait.
Beyond that, when a parent is offended by his child, it takes a long time to get rid of it. It is impossible to get hurt by the child and after five minutes forget and move on to the agenda.
From my experience it can take a whole day and even longer.
Dina Horowitz
From "From this rock"
(I wonder which of the children she was so offended by. Zvi)
